I don’t like classic cars. There, I said it. For those of you that made it past that statement, I salute you.
I have a lot of car guys around me on a regular basis, but only recently has this specific topic come up in conversation. My dad was surprised when I said it. My good friend Danny, who runs our sister company, Exception Autos, was showing me pictures of a bunch of his favorite classics, and I couldn’t hide my lack of enthusiasm. He couldn’t believe that they literally did nothing for me. For me, new is best. Always. Muscle cars are nothing but greasy, loud, obnoxious, expensive hobbies. Now I have officially ticked someone off.
With the holiday season in full swing, I figured I would give you reasons why I’m thankful for modern cars over the classics. When I say classics, I basically mean anything over 20 years old.
Let’s get right into it before someone punches me:
REASON #1 – SO FREAKING BOXY
For real, who made the executive decision that every car before the 90’s had to look like a harmonica…or something boxy like that. I am such a fan of modern design with all the rounded curves and efficient use of space. I hate how long and obtrusive classic cars are. I have never understood how some of these cars ever looked good to anybody.
To me it’s like if someone asked me who’s hotter: Spongebob or J-Lo?
No need for a J-Lo picture here because…well duh, curves. I know I just spit on someone’s holy grail with the bimmer here, and I love the sound of your tears. There’s a reason that when someone is uncool and doesn’t fit in; they’re called a square. Boxy sucks.
REASON #2 – Power flippin’ steering
Ok, I get that this was pretty standard by the 60-70’s, but I’m still thankful. Plus, now we have normal steering wheels at 14-15″ instead of trying to steer a sedan like a truck driver with a wheel that could double as the world’s worst hoola hoop.
I remember once driving my 1999 Monte Carlo Z34 (My vote for worst car ever.) and the power steering went out right before I made a left hand turn in front of oncoming traffic. My seats turned brown that day. Turning that heavy hunk of metal that quickly from a complete stop without power steering was like trying to hug a pregnant polar bear – cumbersome, heavy, and scary as crap. The thought that this was ever “not a thing” makes me want to cringe. Call me a sissy if you want.
REASON #3 – Gas Mileage
While I do love the fact that gas has dropped below levels I experienced in High School, (even for premium fuel, which my car takes) I still can’t justify the thought of getting like 10 miles to the gallon. I know you types with a bald eagle painted on the hood of your ‘69 GTO think talking about “fuel economy” is hippie/flower child talk as you bask in the glow of ‘Merican freedom, but you know what freedom sounds like to me? Not going to a gas station every couple of days. Face it, fuel economy is sexy. Granted, my car gets 21 mpg. Not great, but definitely not muscle car levels.
REASON #4 – Keyless entry
Call me lazy, but I love the fact that my keys stay in my pocket the entire time I enter/drive/leave my car. I just walk up and touch the handle, and they unlock. You know what’s dumb? Manual door locks. And what’s even dumber? Locking your keys in your car. Which is easy to do with manual door locks. Especially on the older cars, they look like a long silver golf tee sticking out of your door. It totally interrupts the flow of the design. Seamless is sexy.
REASON #5 Sound systems
I listened to some bassy music this morning in my car on a Bose sound system. Everything hit clean, sounded amazing, and I got to pick whatever song I wanted. I’m a control freak with music, so this is especially important to me. It was all displayed on a 7 inch screen below my dash. No big ugly knobs. No riciulous dials. We have a 2014 M5 for Sale here at Pure Pursuit with a Bang and Olufsen system that just sounds ridiculous. This is the way music is supposed to be enjoyed. Not some AM/FM tinny transistor radio.
Reason #6 Comfort
It seems as though car manufacturers in the past must have slept on concrete blocks with old potato sacks full of bricks and created their seats and features to be slightly more comfortable. Most of these classic cars are a slap in the face to ergonomics. Now I understand there was a period of time where car seats were super plushy, therefore semi-comfortable, but they really offered no support and didn’t “hug” you like modern seats do.
I love all the creature comforts that come with modern day cars. I know heated seats were technically invented in the 50’s, but they weren’t commonplace…I never want another car without it. My seats automatically go back and forth when I get in and out of my car and the steering wheel drops into the perfect position every time. These are the kind of things you just don’t get with “classics”
Reason #7…wait for it…most classic cars are just plain ugly
I’m not even kidding with this one. I just don’t like the way older cars look. Any of them. I have no interest in ever stepping foot in a classic car show. I’ll go to a new car show 8 days a week. I love all the modern touches as cars get sleeker and sharper and smarter. There are so many modern cars right now that I drool over on a regular basis. How about everything on our showroom floor?
Seriously, our 2013 Porsche 911 For Sale…
It’s not even close. Newer is better. You can have your old Camaros, Mustangs, GTO’s and whatever it is you crazy people like. I’d rather not live in the past. This holiday season, I’m thankful for the Modern Era of Automobiles. This is the most fun time to be in this industry, and an exciting time to be KC’s premier Luxury Sport Dealership. I get to experience all of the new features up close and in person daily.
All snarkiness aside, I saw this the other day, and I wholeheartedly agree:
Have a great holiday season everyone!
About Pure Pursuit:
Pure Pursuit is Kansas City’s premier Luxury Sports Car Dealer. We Specialize in Mercedes- Benz AMG’s, BMW M’s, Audi S/RS, Porsche Turbo/S, and more. We ship Worldwide, and deliver concierge-level service that customers are raving about. See For Yourself Here!
About the Author: Grant Braaten is Digital Marketing Manager of Pure Pursuit Automotive. Grant is proud to be from the greatest city in the world, Kansas City, MO. His general distaste for being a cog in the corporate system led to him to contribute to three KC startups before founding his own Non-Profit. He has the honor of being the first employee at Pure Pursuit’s nationwide headquarters…Learn more about Grant here: http://purepursuitauto.com/project/grant-braaten-digital-marketing-manager/